boooblog

cue up "The Female Of The Species" by Space

Today I am going to take you on a trip back to 1997; times, they were different back then. It is in 1997 that I first connected myself to the internet. "What kind of computer did you use?" you ask? Well my friends, it wasn't a computer at all, but a first generation WebTV. That's right, I was MrMisanthrope@webtv.net. The initial excitement came from being able to talk to some Australian girl named Joanne (probably a 62 year old Nebraskan named Bruce) in almost-realtime; however, it wasn't very long until I strayed into the Adult Men For Men chat on the now-defunct WBS.net.

I purchased my WebTV the Thursday before Spring Break of my senior year of high school, and I didn't really leave my bedroom until late summer (except for a quick trip to my graduation followed a couple months later by a day at Six Flags Great America). It was here I learned the difference between a "top" and a "bottom;" I had my first internet crush on SoundBoy789 from California (his picture was hot - so hot, indeed, that it showed up on several gay picture websites and I still see it from time to time even today); I developed a telephone relationship with Vince from California who would send my friend Nick (age 15) and me gay publications in the mail (though looking back on it, I'm pretty sure he was a creepy old man).

How silly I was to sit in front of the internet day in and day out. I must have spent 8 hours a day on that thing! Thank God that now I have more of a life, which involves... well... hmm... some things never change.

We have a receptionist at the office who just sorta lacks those necessary social skills to, you know, be a receptionist. She's rude, tactless, clueless, and all of the other bad qualities I failed to mention. Lord knows she tries, though. All she wants out of life is to fit in (and to take 10 extra minutes on every break).

Receptionist usually shines her bright rays of sunshine on our firm's clients in the form of "No he's not here can you call back later?" (God forbid she take a message or direct the client to voicemail) or by asking me in a lobby full of clients if I can "sit here and answer the phone for a second? I have to pee really bad." However, one particular conversation stands out in my mind as having been the worst case of her Moron-Speak to date.

A secretary and I were having a simple office conversation regarding FedEx Paks and how they now come in Small, Medium, and Large. This new revolutionary breakthrough in the mailing industry prompted me to mention the story of how, when I used to work at McDonald's, there were no medium fries; they came in Child Size, Small, Large, and SuperSize. Not to be topped by my French Fry Revelation, Receptionist then countered with the brilliant...

"I remember when black people weren't allowed in McDonald's.

Where did we dig this woman up? When did our "Small-Medium-Large" conversation take the unexpected turn into racial segregation? It was an embarrassing moment for all of us (except for Receptionist, sitting there in her state of White Supremacy bliss).

I have no clever tie-ins with which to end this post.

fin

I made a 100% on my physics test. I'd like to take a moment and dedicate this test to the high school teachers *cough-Mrs.-Truckenmiller-cough* who continued to wake me up in class despite my excellent grades, and those those told me they didn't think I was *ahhh-Mrs.Neal-choooo* well-suited for accelerated English class.

Please pardon my *hack-screw-all-of-you-high-school-teachers-hack* cold. The weather change is a bitch.