boooblog

Federal Express is a the worst company in the world.

The C.E.O. of Federal Express is Osama Bin Laden; Saddam Hussein, Newt Gingrich, Leona Helmsley, Trent Lott, and Avril Lavigne sit on the Board Of Directors.

"Al Qaeda" is Arabic for "Federal Express."

Jimmy Hoffa is hidden in a Federal Express truck.

Federal Express kidnapped the Lindbergh baby.

Federal Express caused Pearl Harbor.

Federal Express makes a habit of causing physical harm to kittens, children, and poor people.

Federal Express kicked your grandmother.

The letters in the words "Federal Express" can be rearranged to say "feed real sex rps." This is what Charles Manson's disciples chanted as they commited mass slayings.

Federal Express framed Roger Rabbit.

Federal Express stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

Federal Express threw baby Jessica into the well.

Federal Express was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

Federal Express shot Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

Federal Express can't seem to deliver my fucking computer to save their God-damned lives!!!!!

I have spent the last several hours replaying the plane crash scene from Castaway over and over in my head, each time laughing just a little bit harder than the time before.

"I'm 'with it.' I'm hip. Tuck-a tuck-a tuck-a tuck-a... ...hooo." - Dr. Evil

I guess this is the obligatory "I'm getting old" post that comes along with, well, getting old. I turned twenty-three last month, but I still like to think of myself as a big kid (except for when it comes to this rap music those darn kids are playing these days).

My ability to keep up with today's youth officially ended this holiday season.

Every Christmas I try and buy my ten year old nephew two gifts; one of them a cool gift-of-the-moment, and the other a Shel Silverstein book. He generally appreciates the book, but is usually blown away by the other gift. Last year my Uncle Of The Year Award was given for the thought which went into a Harry Potter watch (in retrospect, that isn't really all that cool after all); the year before, he received some sort of Dragonball Z action figure set which went over extremely well. But this year... this year he threw me a curveball.

"I want a Yu-Gi-Oh," he said.

"A what?" I asked.

"Yuuuuu - Giiiiiiiii - Ohhhhhhhh."

I'm old. I'd like to think I deserve something for being able to stick with things as long as I have, though. Very few people in my peer group could, when asked, give you the name of ten Pokemon. I don't know of many twenty-three year old men who own three Powerpuff Girls dvds or who could tell you several facts about the girls themselves (I'd cross-reference an "I'm turning extremely gay" post if I had one). However, I have to admit that I am completely clueless about these Yu-Gi-Oh of which he speaks. Are they animals? Is it a video game? Please for the love of God, someone help me out here.