10.16.2004
can i get a price check on these condoms?
This week has been one of embarrassment. First of all I ate a rare steak the other night which was delicious, but it also had some negative implications for my stomach. I purchased some Gas-X at the local WalMart and was on my way out when the two gentlemen ahead of me set off the stealing alarm. Thinking I was the culprit, the little old receipt checker lady stopped to check my bag.
"It must be your medicine," she said as she removed the Gas-X from my bag and slowly walked it the thirty or so feet back to the alarm sensors. After the box failed to set off the alarm, she moved back toward me at a snail's pace, advertising my intestinal issues to all of the other shoppers. She stood there puzzled as to why the alarm went off and though she was talking I couldn't pay attention, as all of my focus was on the box. I'm pretty sure three or four different guys walked by and were about to hit on me until they learned of my farting issues.
What it came down to was that she didn't understand how the guys before me could have stolen anything seeing as how they didn't have any bags.
So I am back in my hometown for a wedding. I was in the Gap yesterday trying on sweaters to wear when the cardboard tag caught me on the forehead and sliced me from my hairline to my eye. Great. Now I get to watch the wedding through one eye while the other is going to be filled with blood. I'm going to show up to the marriage of two of my childhood friends looking like an escaped convict. "He got a day pass from his lifetime prison sentence to be here today," the other guests will say.
Don't be surprised if I trip and take a nosedive into the cake tonight. If so I will try and get a picture of it on my photoblog.
10.03.2004
i'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me
I just got a phone call from my former accounting class partner asking if I wanted to go out and party with him and some friends. I sort of wanted to, but I hadn't heard from him since May and I was caught so far off guard that I admitted that I am busy studying for my test in Tax class. On a Saturday night. At 11:30p.m.
Minus 30 cool points. Just to add insult to injury, I should call him Wednesday afternoon and see if he's up for a good game of Dungeons & Dragons.
