11.29.2007
gross
It's been a long time since I puked from drinking too much. Or at least it had until last night.
Happy birthday to me!
11.23.2007
the homeless chronicles
While I was busy neglecting my blog last summer, I moved into an awesome house downtown with a couple of my friends. And when I say downtown, I mean you walk out my door and around the corner and suddenly you are in the midst of several skyscrapers.
Downtown living comes many benefits - I can jog from my front door around Lake Eola and back (I said that I can, not that I would), walk to the hot downtown restaurants, and spend my life in the midst of weekend partytime.
But what I didn't forsee when picking this location was the volume of homeless people milling about. They are everywhere! And I keep encountering them.
For instance, the other night Patrick and I walked to one of the aforementioned hot downtown restaurants, and on the way home we saw a homeless man pooping behind a wall.
Then earlier this week I came out of the house to go to work only to find two homeless men picking beer bottles out of the trash from the bar across the street from my house.
And finally, I was unlocking my front door to go into the house a couple months ago when I looked down to see a homeless man sleeping on my porch. That was pretty terrifying. I made Patrick and Todd come help me get rid of him: I shooed him out with a broom, Todd sprayed him with a squirt bottle and Patrick shook a can of pennies at him.
It's glamorous, this downtown lifestyle.
11.15.2007
hygiene? more like bye-giene! (what does that even mean?)
I have a top-secret engagement this afternoon. I can't disclose many details about it, but it involves meeting one or two professionals whose impression of me could determine a change in my near future.
I obviously want my first impression to be a favorable one, so I spent a significant amount of time over the past two days sewing up the hole in the butt of my suit pants, ironing a nice white shirt, laying out clean socks and printing a few relevant pieces of paper, leaving myself only two additional steps.
First, I administered the haircut. It's not big deal, really. I do it once a month. Only this month I went too short. Now I have a strange line on the side of my head. But I don't want to work too hard to fix it, because I've found that cutting hair is like battling the hydra - you fix one problem, but create nine more.
Secondly, I shaved my face (as is the custom for first-time meetings with professionals who decide particular outcomes of your future). But this was the first shaving in well over a month. It's a nice, close shave... showcasing a slight tan line across the front of my face!
These people are going to think I'm a freak! My future is ruined.
11.14.2007
the store's prayer
Today will go down in history for the city of Orlando. For today is the grand opening of our very own IKEA store. Until Fort Lauderdale's store opened last month, we were forced to drive all the way to Atlanta for our bargain furniture needs.
Needless to say, the local gays are aflutter. This morning I received a series of text messages from my friend Peter, featuring his homage to this glorious day. Without further ado, I present to you The Store's Prayer, by Peter Thom.
Our IKEA, that art on Millenia
Hallowed be thy sales
Thy kingsize sheets
Thy twill & pleats
In Orlando as it is in Sweden
Give us this day our desks and beds
And forgive us our credit ratings
As we forgive those who helped us create them
And lead us not into Rooms-To-Go
But deliver us our shelving
For mine is the kingsize, the shower, and the flooring
Financed forever,
Amex.
Peter Thom, I salute you.
